


unbroken

by orphan_account



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cuddling, Derek Hale Comforts Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale Knows, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Self-Harm, Stiles Stilinski Is Depressed, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 03:27:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7205027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is depressed but he keeps it in because he feels like no one cares. He's tempted to do something very dangerous to himself. Derek may or may not be creeping around Stiles' house when he hears him crying and immediately goes up to his window to see what's going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	unbroken

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: Depression and self-harm. Suicide may be mentioned. If you feel like you can be triggered, please don't read this story. If you need to talk to someone, you can contact me on my tumblr blog, it's called coyote-warlock. Thank you.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, this is around season 4 or so, after the Nogitsune, and after Derek is found. The berserker killing Derek didn't happen.

He feels worthless. What's his point anyway? In a pack full of badass supernaturals, he feels like a dead weight. Just someone that needs to be saved all the time. He knows that if Scott wasn't the alpha, he wouldn't be needed in the pack. After the Nogitsune, he even feels more depressed because every pack meeting he goes, everyone goes silent. Afraid of him like he's gonna kill them all. He remembers everything he did while the Nogitsune possessed his body but he just couldn't stop it. Like he was trapped inside another body. He remembers everything he did to Scott, Kira and Allison. Allison. She's dead because of him and even though Scott will never admit it, he still blames Stiles for it. He hates himself for it, but he never shows those types of feelings, though. He uses sarcasm as a mask for his real self, the broken one that shows at 4am when he's crying in his bed, curled in a ball with scars all over his thighs. He deserves the pain. He's punishing himself for everything bad he has ever done to his friends. To his mom. Everything. He deserves this.

 

**

 

Right now, he is in a pack meeting, not really paying attention to what's being said. He feels like he doesn't belong in here anyway, and he's sure that whatever is being said, it didn't matter because he isn't one of _them._ He wasn't a werewolf, or a werecoyote, or a kitsune, or a banshee. He was Stiles. Skinny, defenseless, Stiles. The human that carries a baseball bat as a weapon.

"Stiles?" A voice that he knew too well brings his attention. Derek.

"What? Sorry, I kinda zoned out."

"Yeah, I noticed."

Stiles takes a look around him and notices that all the pack is gone, coming to conclusion that the meeting is over and that he should go home. He blushes red with embarrassment.

"Oh, sorry. I should probably get going, you know, like, home. Um, see you later." Stiles stutters, embarrassed even more now than ever. He was always acting dumb around Derek when they were alone. He has had a crush on him since the pool situation, when he held him up when he was paralyzed. Stiles doesn't really know why he did it, but one thing he knew for sure, he had realized that Derek meant a lot for him.

"Um, Stiles? Is everything okay?" Derek asks, and Stiles is taken back, because, did Derek Hale just really ask him if everything's okay?

"Yeah, great. Why?"

"Just asking."

"Okay..? I'm gonna go now."

"Yeah sure."

And with that, Stiles makes his way out of the loft, heading to his car. He's still stunned though. Derek Hale is a grumpy person that hates everyone and most certainly can't care less about Stiles. So far, all he has ever done to them is cause them trouble.

He feels really bad right now and all he wants to do is cry. He gets that feeling very often, usually after every pack meeting, when he sees that everyone, literally _everyone_ has an important role in the pack except him. But if he doesn't go, the pack will ask questions. Questions that he may not know the answer of. So he just goes, and doesn't pay attention, and judging that he's still alive after not listening to what's being said, he came to the conclusion that it didn't matter to him.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, indicating a text, when he arrives to his driveway. It's from Derek.

**Sourwolf (00:19): You know I can tell when you're lying. Goodnight, Stiles.**

Stiles doesn't understand for a moment, and then he remembers their recent conversation. Of course Derek knew he was lying. He just hopes that he doesn't tell anyone or bring it up ever again. Derek wasn't much of a talker anyway, so he'll probably let it go.

He turns the car off, gets out and enters his house. His dad isn't here, thank God. Sometimes when he was crying when his dad is here, he would hear him and think that he has a panic attack. So he learned that he should keep it in when his dad is here.

He goes to his room and opens his laptop, surfing Netflix for a show to watch but he has already watched everything there. Usually, binge watching TV shows makes him feel a little better. Makes him forget everything for a while. He shuts down his laptop and lays in his bed. Thinking. Lately, he has been thinking about his sexuality, a lot. He didn't know if he was bi, or gay. He had always had a crush on Lydia, of course. But after she became a part of the pack now, he started seeing her more as a person now than a night fantasy. After she kissed him when he had a panic attack, he was supposed to feel something, but he didn't. It was just a kiss. He had always dreamed about his first date with her, his first kiss with her, his first time with her. But when the first kiss happened, he felt _nothing._ He had later on realized that Lydia is a great person, but he isn't romantically attracted to her. It was just his hormones going crazy. But Derek, oh God. Derek was everything he didn't know he needed. He doesn't know why he's really attracted to the guy when he's a hundred percent sure the guy is straight. Even if Derek _is_ attracted to guys, he wouldn't choose Stiles. Derek is tall, masculine, had a body and a face created by the Greek Gods. He also cares about everyone secretly, well, everyone except Stiles. He heard from Scott that Derek spent days searching for Stiles but he was sure that Derek was just doing it because Stiles was a part of the pack and he would do the same if it was Lydia or Scott. From all he knows, Derek hates him. It will always be that way.

Stiles doesn't even realize he had started crying, but he does after he sniffs. He face palms himself. He was so pathetic, always crying and shit. He was tired of himself, and everything else around him. He suddenly breaks down into crying. He's worthless. Useless. Unhelpful. Waste of time and space. A dead weight. A damsel in distress. An annoyance to everyone. He starts sniffing, trying to stop himself from crying, but it was useless. Once he started, the only thing that can stop him is sleep. And he doesn't feel sleepy at all right now. This is gonna be a long night. Suddenly, an idea pops into his head and he rushed to the bathroom, opened the cabinet and started searching. Searching for _it._

 

 

Derek is outside Stiles' house right now, carefully trying not to make any noise. He couldn't relax after he asked Stiles if everything's okay, and when he heard his heart beating so fast at a simple question. He knows that he may appear intimidating, especially to Stiles, but the truth is, he cares about Stiles the most. And when he felt that everything is not okay with Stiles, he secretly followed him to his house. Sounds creepy. But Derek has already appeared in Stiles' room too many times so he figures it wouldn't be a surprise. He is concentrating on the scent and the sounds now, if he hears Stiles sleeping then he will go home and maybe talk to him tomorrow or something. But he hears crying. Not crying, more like a breakdown. He can smell the sadness around him. He starts to get worried now. He gets closer to Stiles' bedroom window and the closer he gets, the more the scent gets worse. Sadness, anxiety and depression filled the atmosphere. He can feel the scent and the sounds getting farther and he figures that Stiles isn't in his room now so he climbs his house and enters the room from the window. Stiles isn't there. Shit.

Derek sprints to the bathroom and tries to open the door. Locked. Of course. He starts knocking on the door so hard, that it even might break right now. He doesn't want to kick it because Stiles is in there and he might hurt him if he does.

"Stiles, open up! Please! It's me, Derek!" Derek shouts while still knocking, and Stiles is surprised that Derek is here. Stiles is holding a blade in his right hand and looking at it.

"Leave me alone!" Stiles yells back, "Please, just go." his voice is lower now, and Derek feels the brokenness in it. The smell keeps getting worse and worse.

"I'm not leaving you here like that, please just open the damn door, Stiles!"

"No." Stiles whispers so lowly it's barely audible, but Derek heard him.

"Okay, Stiles. Get out of the way of the door because I'm coming in." He kicks the door with his leg and he can finally see Stiles standing at the sink, with a blade in his hand, almost reaching his left wrist.

"No, no, no, no, Stiles!" Derek shouts worryingly with tears streaming down his face, instantly throwing away the blade and holding Stiles' hands.

Realization is visible now in Stiles' eyes. He almost cut himself. Derek is here. Derek is holding him. _Derek is here._

"Derek?"

"Stiles? Stiles! What were you thinking? Are you hurt?" Derek looks at Stiles' wrists, searching for any scars.

"What happened?" Stiles asks Derek.

"You, dumbass, almost cut yourself. Why? I don't know. I came here and saw you like this."

"Why are you here?"

"I followed you here, of course! Do you think I believed you when you said that everything's great? Of course not. Why would you do that to yourself, Stiles?" Derek asks with tears streaming down his face, again. He's honestly tired of that mask he has on and just wants to be himself.

"Why would I _not_? I hate myself. You hate me. Everyone hates me. I'm useless and I honestly just want to die." Stiles says in an alarmingly calm voice. Derek just stares at him with hurt in his eyes.

"You never say that again, okay? You are amazing, and I'm not just saying that because of what you did now. I've always thought that you are an amazing man and I know that everyone else thinks the same. You're not useless. You're the most important part of the pack, you're the one who thinks about stuff and plans and all that shit that no one ever thinks about. You think we could've survived without you? And I don't hate you, not at all! On the contrary. I've had a crush on you forever!" And with that being said, Stiles' eyes widen and Derek instantly puts his hands over his mouth as if wanting to take it back. He didn't want to confess his feelings like that.

"You.. have a crush on me?" Stiles asks Derek, eyes still wide and can't decide how to feel. Part of him wants to dance happily and kiss Derek right there and then and the other part thinks that this is a cruel joke.

"Yes. I have a crush on you, Stiles. I like you," Derek finally admits with a sigh, "And I totally understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore, it's fine. Let me just help you up now and I can go." Derek helps Stiles up to his room in a very awkward silence. When Derek makes sure that Stiles is okay, he starts to walk away to the window to go to his loft. But Stiles grabs his hands, and when he does, he gets a little flashback to when he grabbed his jacket that day when Derek was used as a distraction at the sheriff station.

Derek is confused. Why would Stiles grab his hand? Does he want him to stay?

"Stay." Stiles whispers. Derek stops and waits for Stiles to say something, anything. Stiles motions for him to sit on the bed and Derek does what he's told.

Stiles thinks about what he's going to do right now. He'll probably regret it later but it's now or never. He looks at Derek's eyes then at his lips. The lips he wanted to kiss for so long.

He leans in and Derek does the same and it seemed like forever until their lips were finally touching. It was a short kiss, but filled with passion. This was the moment they both waited for since forever.

When they pull back, their eyes meet. But Derek's eyes were softer than ever now. This is him. The real him. The person who was there before Paige and Kate. The person who was hiding behind the walls he built around himself.

"I like you, too. A lot." Stiles says with a little smile.

"Why haven't you said something before?"

"Because I thought you were straight. Paige, Kate, Jennifer, Braeden? All girls."

"Just because I haven't been with guys before doesn't mean I don't like them. But who's talking though? The founder and owner of the official Lydia Martin fan club?"

Stiles laughs and blushes with embarrassment, "Never talk about that again."

They both stared at each other for a while, unable to speak. The moment felt unreal. Like a dream or an illusion. Derek breaks the eye contact.

"I should go, your dad will probably be here soon and you're probably not out to him yet and he doesn't really like me either, oh my God, this is gonna be a disaster." Derek rambles but Stiles shuts him up with, "You'll be fine. You can stay if you want."

"But your dad is _literally_ the sheriff and I have been arrested once."

"Which was mine and Scott's fault. You'll be fine. Besides, you've helped us all and you're one of us now." Stiles assures Derek while caressing his hand.

"Okay, but can I take off my jacket? I want to sleep comfortably."

"Sure, you can take off everything. I don't mind." Stiles says before thinking and Derek starts laughing.

"Oh my God, Derek, you laugh? That's new."

"Well, you haven't dated me before so you wouldn't know."

"Dating, huh? So we're dating now?"

"W-what? I thought that we were?"

"But you didn't ask me, so, will you, Derek Hale, be my boyfriend?"

"That was so cheesy. But, I kinda have no choice so, yes, Stiles Stilinski, I'll be your boyfriend."

Stiles immediately kisses Derek at that, smiling into the kiss.

They lay in bed together, spooning and of course Stiles wanted to be the big spoon but Derek was too big and masculine for Stiles, so he ended up as the small spoon. It felt right to be in Derek's arms, though. Felt safe. Felt like _home._ They both fall asleep together, both feeling happier than ever.


End file.
